For those of you who know me personally it is no surprise that I have a hard time turning off my smiling. I smile when I talk, yell, and even when I am pissed off. That is a little problem of mine here, as smiling really encourages unwanted advances. Today on a long bus ride home I had the chance to debate in my head if unwanted advances are really advances, or if they are they genuine signs of compassion, appreciation, love.
As I was trying to sleep a larger, older man got on the bus and asked if the space next to me was free. I said it was fine for him to sit and then tried to close my eyes and ignore him as he settled in. However, he woke me up three times to chat. I was beginning to ask myself how a grown man could forget his manners! What annoyed me even more, is that I heard him speak on the phone in Russian, yet to me he kept talking in Romanian. I made it clear I didn't speak Romanian. Finally when he understood and I hoped to go back to sleep he asked me where I was from. I knew I wouldn't get any sleep after that point. When I told him I was American he was so happy and surprised that he took my hand and kissed it. He went on to tell me about another volunteer in his town whom he had known for five years! This guy, Robert from California, really left a huge impression on him for he instantly assumed my heart was as big and compassionate and helpful as Robert's!
The remainder of the trip we shared a lot of small talk, but throughout the time he kept grabbing my hand just to hold it. After a while it got to be too much and started to make me uncomfortable. He apologized but also repeated how much this acquaintance touched his heart.
It really got me to thinking-- I have never been anywhere in America where I would allow a complete stranger to hold my hand. Then again, I've never been trapped on a two hour bus ride with a stranger holding my hand either. Nevertheless, personal space isn't valued so much here as it is back home in America, and there is something peaceful about a stranger holding your hand without judgement and complete openness.
Near the end when I told him the hand holding was "too much" I was still smiling.... I really gotta work on that.
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